Saturday, February 02, 2008
what's it like to have missed it? what's it like to make a choice and then think you're so sure you've made the right choice at that point of time; only to second guess yourself after awhile? if anyone knows what i mean. i was hugging my big elmo that night and then tears just came to my eyes. it was so sudden and unexpected on my part and then i just sat there with my elmo crying for a good 5 mintues or so. just to let it all out. yea, i still carry bits of the past here and there. i was thinking of how elmo was holding that big yellow sunflower on my swing. so i had made a choice. but how am i to know if it's a right one?
i turned my back on someone who was really quite a good friend. but i can still remember the time, and churching. it was almost just like yesterday. everything was all good. if it wasn't the wrong person, it was the wrong time. someone for keepsake. so there again another choice? how is it a good or right one too?i didn't give myself and somebody else a chance to make friends. and that someone did try. i just didn't even try to be nice. i was an outright mean evil cruel bitch. and i hurt people's feelings. was it all worth it? what was i doing it for? did i even truly want to do it? now that i regret it do i feel happier or better in any way? i've judged people i don't even know. and from my own selfish judgements have in turned lost a potential friend. now even if i try to make up for it, the past is still always there. i'd look so fake. i'd spoil something else thats blooming within other people and creating conflict. so i'm not going to do anything about it. adding on another choice i made, hows it going to be for the better? i'm really a selfish person. and this selfishness has made me so cold, without compassion. and at this point from all these reflection, i've lost myself and who i was. how can you ever change the past, how can you ever look to the future to think which are the better and right chocies to make? indeed, how do i love in any and every aspect if i am so filled with selfishness? a quote max gave me tonight which suddenly i'm seeking for strength in:Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil; but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.Love is eternal. 1 Cor. 13.4-8
- everything's just temporary;
1:20 AM
